Bodylearning

Are you breathing ? And how do you feel your body right now?
These are two questions my clients have to hear from me. Very often 🙂
Usually, the first one gets a most popular answer : ‘of course I am breathing, otherwise I would be death’. I am always happy to hear this: it signals the basic level of awareness that my work needs. Breathing is fundamental for survival.
The second question, on the other hands, provokes several types of answer with one main content : ‘what do you mean “how do I feel my body”. It is normal, I don’t feel anything.’

When we are not in touch with the sensations from the body, it means that we are in survival mode.
Because to be alive, you have to feel …. alive 😉
Actually, when we have the impression of not feeling, it indicates a lack of practice of self-perception, and this happens when we are not very used to perceiving ourselves from the inside.

Our perception is formed through the information gathered by our receptors. For example, many of them are located on our skin and help us adapt and react to the environment: they perceive changes in temperature, pain, pressure, touch.
Others allow us to assess our inner state: temperature, tension, digestion process, tiredness, stress level, energy level, concentration level and so on. This inner perception helps us to answer the question ‘how do I feel?’ and to check whether we are feeling good or not.
But like any human capacity, the less you exercise it, the less available it becomes.
It becomes underdeveloped. This happens with our muscles, our intelligence or our sensitivity. If we do not use them, they atrophy.

A poor perception of the internal state can lead to many types of problems: muscle tension causing pain, digestion problems, rigid postures. Disconnection from emotions, emotional detachment leading to agitation and anxiety. Mild depression and demotivation. Too high a level of stress causes hormonal imbalances – such as insulin resistance – cardiovascular problems, burn out… We may find ourselves disconnected from healthy and enjoyable people and activities.

Because we are bombarded by too many inputs, sometimes much of our attention, if not all of it, is absorbed by what is happening outside. And we end up dealing with our inner state by ignoring it. We end up in surviving mode by automatically avoiding that which requires us to pay attention to something else.

Let’s take an amusing example: if you have to avoid becoming the dinner of a long-toothed tiger, you cannot deal with the neglecting experiences you suffered from your parents. Immediate survival comes first. The emotional need comes later.
You can replace the tiger with any kind of fear or insecurity.
Or, if you have to protect yourself and your beloved ones by moving camp or engaging in a long and crucial hunting session, you can ignore the feeling of hunger or exhaustion. Immediate survival first. Secondary physical needs later.
You can replace the camp move or hunting session with the pressure of taking the ‘right’ decision.

To get out of survival mode, you must ask yourself:
Am I breathing? Can I breathe consciously, deeply, long and slowly?
This will calm the stress reaction.
How do I feel my body? Notice your posture, the contact of your skin with fabrics and materials, the movement of your breath, your emotional and mental state.
This will bring attention back into you, so that you can focus on your state.
Survival is important, but being alive is even more so. And being alive requires feeling alive.

As always, I will be very happy to support you in feeling alive.

We often hear that we have to be able to ‘let go’: let go of the past, a difficult situation, a break-up, a failure. You may have noticed, as I have, that despite the relevance of this advice, it’s not so easy to apply.
Thinking and talking to my clients about it , I’ve noticed that we often refer to ‘letting go’ as a synonym for not feeling what’s disturbing and unpleasant about situations we’d like to leave behind.  Because it’s unpleasant, we try not to feel it. But by not feeling it, we can’t let it go.
When we accept that a situation has been important in our lives without pretending indifference or detachment, its end leads us to experience sensations such as a sense of loss, a feeling of failure, a loss of control, regardless of whether or not it corresponds to reality. Then, let it go can be difficult.

The difficulty of feeling unpleasant sensations and the reaction to protect ourselves against them so that we can continue to function in everyday life are perfectly natural. But our resistance to these experiences highlights our desire for reality, our reality, to be different, less frustrating, less difficult, less disappointing.
And through this resistance, we maintain in the present what has already happened in the past.

This leads me to think that perhaps a better concept for training our attention to let go would be ‘surrender’: accepting that the ‘battle’ has been lost and that we can therefore stop trying to change/control/modify reality. It’s a question of training ourselves to accept what is. Surrendering to what is by feeling what has happened and its consequences.

To achieve this result, our training will be to :

• Allowing ourselves to connect with the unpleasant emotions linked to the situation that we would like to leave behind us.
• Acknowledging our feelings while trying not to judge, recriminate or blame ourselves or others. Here, the difficulty lies in getting our mind to observe what has happened and the emotions it arouses, without intervening or trying to explain or justify.
• Encouraging circulation and, above all, digestion during this process means returning to conscious breathing: this allows us to feel more, to integrate what has happened and finally to let it go.

Personally, I find the practice of mobilising my mind towards those aspects of the experience that allow me to learn about myself – how I responded in such a situation/relationship, but also about others a particularly useful tool.

Surrendering thus becomes an important step in the process of digestion, integration and composting to create new humus for new flowers to grow.
As always, I’d be delighted to support you in your process of letting go.