Sometimes in a session, it happens that my client gets to feel pain, embarrassment or irritation… At this moment, I give the instruction to “breathe deep, don’t contract, allow these feelings to flow”.
This may be rather difficult, because at that moment we tend to do exactly the opposite: to contract, resist and not feel the sensations awoken during the session. You need to know that by following the instructions, these uncomfortable feelings become quietness, relaxation and confidence. The head and body become one and you experience an extremely pleasant sensation. However to get there, it sometimes takes a little while.
Why do we avoid feeling uncomfortable thrilling, unknown and intense sensations?
The ability to feel is part of our evolutionary baggage and our ability to take care of ourselves. It informs us about changes occurring in our state. It helps us avoid situations that could put us in danger and / or harm us.
The problem arises when we begin to avoid any situation that could cause discomfort: we avoid talking with some people because we feel embarrassed; we do not start new activities because of the fear of failing; we tend to stay in our comfort zone, in the context of work, holidays, hobbies, relationships, in order to have the impression that we control the situation.
Feeling uncomfortable sensations, without automatically avoiding them, leads us to open new opportunities in our life… hence I would like to share with you my own experience.
5 years ago, I moved city: I found a new center and an apartment, I started to learn a new language, I met new people and started new friendships. I didn’t want to go back to the “old” routines I had before, so I created for myself a personal goal: to learn something new and go out of my comfort zone.
So I joined a club to improve my skills in public speaking … in English!
I promise that it was – and still is now – very uncomfortable for me! First, I met with the reactions “I don’t want to go” – “I feel tired” – “I had a hard week” – “this is too formal, it’s not for me” … Behind those sentences there was a small fear: what people will think about me, about my accent, about what I say …. And what will happen if I make mistakes?
My own personal process allowed me to experience feeling this discomfort within me without reacting against it, what does it mean to not tense up my shoulders or reduce my breathing and without becoming too serious.
So, since then, I have given several presentations in front of ca. twenty people. I have learned not to freeze and to enjoy the situation more. Then I discovered how I react when I have to deal with someone I was not comfortable at all with, also a member of the club. I learned to keep my enthusiasm and motivation even when I feel a uncomfortable with one person.
My adventures in this club continue: at the latest evening, I participated in a humorous speech contest. It was very scary, but I was very satisfied and I enjoyed the event!
This challenge has allowed me to go and meet “my” uncomfortable sensations instead of avoiding them automatically. It has been, and continues to be, an opportunity to learn new skills, to meet new people and to have fun!
My automatic reactions – automatic patterns – against embarrassment are less automatic … and I have room to enjoy speaking in front of a public audience and share my ideas. Last but not least, my enthusiasm and motivation found a playground to express themselves.
Does it speak to you? Let’s try it! I can teach you to get out of your comfort zone, develop your plans and achieve your dreams.
Picture L. Sabatini