While working with my clients, I often meet the topic of self-confidence, or, to be more precise, the topic of the lack of self-confidence. Many people feel constricted and they are not able to express themselves freely. They doubt about their abilities to do something or… to be able to face potential consequences. When this topic is discussed with clients, being dependent of the way others response to what they do is also part of the issue. They are looking for confirmations, acceptance, understanding. If these responses are not provided, clients experience a sense of inadequacy, of being misunderstood or of not being loved and accepted. This may lead to avoid such situations and hold back and deprive themselves of the freedom to act according with what is in their hearts. Or may lead to try to control the situations and the persons involved.
But when we talk about self-confidence, to what do we refer to?
Self-confidence is “an attitude about your skills and abilities. It means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control in your life. You know your strengths and weakness well, and have a positive view of yourself” (1). From the bodyawareness perspective, I think that this means that you are enough relaxed and at ease in your body so to breathe, move and think freely.
What does lack of self-confidence causes in the body? I guess we are all familiar with the experience of NOT having a positive view of ourselves and NOT trusting our own abilities. This manifests itself at the physical level through tensions, uneasiness, anxiety, stress, even panic attacks. Despite this, we are also all familiar with this damn tendency of our attention to go too easily towards self-criticism and self-doubt. These criticisms and doubts can concern everything: what we do, how we do it, how we look, how we dress, how we interact with others, how we managed situations in the past.
This intensified the uneasiness and discomfort we feel in our body, even if we are not aware of it. The body reacts to these “assaults” by producing stress. And all these physical signals are interpreted by the mind as a sign that something is, indeed, wrong. This creates a negative spiral: our lack of self-confidence makes us insecure and reinforce our lack of self-confidence.
If you would like to boost your self-confidence, so to counterbalanced your critical side and to easier overcome your insecurities, you can practice in the following way.
Take time to acknowledge the achievements you realised, including everything you went through: school degrees, change of country, projects – both professional and personal, sports results, activities, languages or other skills. Here the idea is to mobilize your attention towards what you did do well enough so to tap into more positive perceptions of yourself. You try to truly valorize the person you are as you would do for your child, for your dear friend feeling down or for someone needing a boost.
While doing this, keep a part of your attention into the breathing, so to stay connected with your body and with your feelings.
Funny enough, you may notice that we are often very good in giving ourselves criticisms but we are very bad in valuing ourselves. This is why you may feel uncomfortable, selfish or arrogant, even wrong while doing this.
In this case, you can notice your response to the process of valorizing yourself. Train by actively relaxing your body – and consciously breath – while appreciating yourself with the aim to create inside you some space for your achievements, your qualities and your abilities.
Because they are also part of you!
As always, I will be very happy to support you!
(1) Counseling Center of University of South Florida
Picture taken in Sicily, La Valle dei Templi, by Massimo Martino