Why, at some moments, it is so important to be right? Why it becomes so important to proof to ourselves and to others that our opinions or our actions are correct?
The answer is quite simple: being right reassures us. It is a way to know that we didn’t do anything wrong and eventually that other people are on the wrong side.
Every time we find ourselves inside this dichotomy, where there are 2 sides, we want of course to be on the right one!
But is it really true that there are only 2 sides? When we do introspective work, we get to know that our opinions and feelings towards others, always show something about ourselves… And normally is not about being right 🙂
If we reflect on it, when we are in dichotomic situation and we believe to be right, we also experience difficulties in letting go. We feel righteous but also angry and tensed. We feel negative emotions like betrayal, unfairness, insecurity. Our state is not benevolent but defensive… Because if we are not right, we would fall in the other category: being wrong!
Theses situations give us the chance to connect with a side of us that normally we tend to project outside: we believe that our tensions, angers, disappointments, etc are caused by an external factor ONLY. It doesn’t have to do at all with us. We are only victims with no responsibilities.
Now, when we aim to have a more integrative attitude towards ourselves, the right-wrong situations are a kind of blessing. They force us to experience negative emotions that often we don’t want to acknowledge: intolerance, rigidity, taking things personally and seriously.
What to do during or after those situations to gain more awareness?
First step is releasing tensions so to become more aware of what we feel. In fact, In such situations we normally collect a lot of tensions in the body. To release those tensions:
→ practice a series of 10 contractions – relaxations:
a. with your shoulders: up towards the ears
b. with your belly contracting the abdominal muscles
c. with your face, squeezing the face’s muscles as you would eat a lemon.
→ train to breathe deeply while thinking about the right/wrong situation. The aim is not only to relax with the breath but also to digest the emotions involved. For that you need to allow yourself to feel those emotions even if they are unpleasant.
Second step is describing:
a. Describe – as much as possible without judgments – what happened and how you felt – or feel when you recall the situation.
b. Describe who is involved, the sequence of actions and the consequences for you and other people. What is the damage you are suffering from?
c. Then notice which situations in the past are connected with the actual situation. Follow your intuition and let associations work inside you and connecting different moments. Describe also those moments.
Third step is to use again your respiration to integrate, digest and let go!
Contact me if you need support for it. I will happily help you in clarifying and releasing your emotions.