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To manage anger without exploding

being angry

Often we manage our anger by… holding it back! Often we manage our anger by… holding it back!
We do it when we are upset, frustrated, or when we do not feel respected. But this energy, even when we explode, does not disappear. It is stored in the body.

Like all emotions, anger is felt and expressed by the body: a clenched jaw, a stiff neck, a contracted belly are signs that show what we retain. This retained energy is also present in our head: we have negative thoughts about ourselves and others. We argue and we replay old scenarios over and over in our head.

Exploding is closely linked to retaining the anger: it is a way to get rid of, in a very fast way, a “too full” situation. Then we cry, we shout, we become sharp. In these situations, we need to protect ourselves, to keep others, who are most of the time our relatives, at a safe distance.

Other repetitive attitudes – automatic patterns – can follow such as complaining, justifying for ourselves or others, being irritable, trying to control others, and feeling guilty about having exploded.
But being angry with nothing to say and focusing on what we want or what we do not want, becomes impossible.

These ways of responding can be improved: it is possible to learn how to be calm concerning our anger and how to use it in a constructive way.
First, we need to learn to feel what bothers us, upsets us, and scares us. Physical tension in the body is a strong mechanism to limit what we feel. But we can learn to recognize these tensions, to release them, and to get in touch with the emotions within us.

Then you can use this positive momentum to help you gain more of what you want!
Our body is our best ally to achieving this goal.

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