Reciprocity is a very important ingredient in relationships.
Think about that: “Relationships are exquisitely sensitive to balance in their early stages, and a great way to ruin things is either to give too much (you seem perhaps a bit desperate) or too little (you seem cold and rejecting). Rather, relationships grow best by balanced give and take, especially of gifts, favors, attention, and self disclosure.” *
Actually, the matter is to pay attention to what kind of position we are normally taking in our relationships. That position tends to be automatically taken, it means without us paying attention to what we are doing, to our attitude and to our behaviour.
When we are not attentive, we can end up being frustrated, disappointed or hurt.
I invite you to reflect on this topic while enjoying the arrival of the warmer days: what is your tendency in relationships? This tendency is, of course, also influenced by your cultural background, your experiences and your personality. To avoid that those parts become Inner Saboteurs, we need to be more aware of them.
These questions will guide you in this reflection:
- Do I normally need other people? Or do I prefer to be needed?
- Can I ask for help or do I tend to do everything by myself?
- Do I invite people in my life or I feel more comfortable keeping distance?
- Can I talk about myself or do I tend to be very private about my emotions?
- Do I often experience that I’m giving more than the other person?
- Am I often told that I’m selfish?
We will explore how we can change our automatic position in my next article.
Contact me if you have any questions!
* p. 57 The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt, 2006
Picture found in Internet